A Few Reasons
$ 3.50
5 x 7 inches. Baked goods are the only reason you need.
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Age
$ 5.00
5 x 7 inches. Only real friends make you feel bad.
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Alcohol
$ 5.00
5 x 7 inches. Glug glug!
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Bagels
$ 1.00 $ 3.50
5 x 7 inches. Paired with brown Kraft envelope. Who makes the best bagel in the world? Please tell me your opinion.
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Balls
$ 5.00
For drawing reference, I did a Google Images search for "scrotums." I saw some things I didn't expect to see.5 x 7 inches; paired with brown...
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BJ Coupon
$ 5.00
5 x 7 inches. I wonder what this card could be about?
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Breasts!
$ 5.00
5 x 7 inches. My husband art-directed this card.
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Cheese
$ 5.00
5 x 7 inches. Cheese is special indeed.a
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Cooking
$ 5.00
5 x 7 inches. Worth the effort?
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Correspondence
$ 1.75 $ 3.50
5 x 7 inches. Paired with kraft envelope.
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Crazy Roman Emperors
$ 5.00
I listened to 1392 minutes of lectures about Ancient Rome by Professor Garrett Fagan to learn a bit about these emperors. I learned that they are bananas....
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Customer Service
$ 5.00
This is the story of my most glorious experience at LensCrafters. 5 x 7 inches; paired with metallic graphite envelope.
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Dive Bar
$ 5.00
5 x 7 inches. I enjoy celebrating everyone's birthday.
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Elevator Conversations
$ 5.00
5 x 7 inches. I stole these conversations from friends who have real jobs.
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Evil Figures in History
$ 5.00
5 x 7 inches. I still feel very unsettled after researching this card.
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Facebook Intervention
$ 5.00
5 x 7 inches. Facebook!!!
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Five
$ 5.00
5 x 7 inches. Let us all be five forever.
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Foreign Film
$ 5.00
I was introduced to foreign films by my older sister, who checked them out at the library. She watched masterpieces and cult favorites, while I...
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Furniture
$ 5.00
I know I'm supposed to save for retirement, but . . . 5 x 7 inches; paired with metallic brown envelope.
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Give Me A Present
$ 5.00
5 x 7 inches. Ask and ye sometimes shall not receive.
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Healthy Living
$ 5.00
Eating is a fine balance of suffering and enjoyment. 5 x 7 inches; paired with brown kraft envelope.
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Hot Tub & Drinking
$ 1.00 $ 3.50
5 x 7 inches. Comes with envelope. Fill in the blank, like it's 1985!
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It's So Unexciting!
$ 5.00
5 x 7 inches. Unexciting things do not warrant product descriptions.
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Le Dentiste!
$ 5.00
In 2015, I saw five dentists, two endodontists and one oral surgeon, and had four root canals, a bunch of crowns and cavities, and some...
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Libraries
$ 5.00
5 x 7 inches. I love books. And even more than books, I love grimy, sticky, putrid library copies of books. That is not true....
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Meat
$ 5.00
When I was a vegetarian, I used to get veggie burgers from a corner spot called Mo Better Meaty Meat Burgers. There's no story here...
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Mix Tape
$ 5.00
Mix tapes were best when you'd mistakenly catch snippets of the radio DJ saying stuff.
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Nakations
$ 5.00
Get your mini tennis on.
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Nine Greeting Functions
$ 3.50
Birthday, thank you, crucial work memo, demand for payment, congratulations, expression of truth, confession in a foreign language, art time, and compliment.
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Nobel Prize
$ 5.00
Six Nobel Prizes should be bestowed upon my indoor plants for not dying yet. (Update: There is now only 1 indoor plant left, so I have...
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Nutritious Note
$ 1.00 $ 3.50
5 x 7 inches. Paired with exciting kraft envelope.
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Opera
$ 5.00
I recently read translations of a bunch of famous arias. Some of them are really depressing! The next time you feel too upbeat, you know...
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Penises
$ 5.00
Appropriate for all occasions!5 x 7 inches; paired with brown kraft envelope.
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Potatoes
$ 5.00
Do you know anyone who dislikes potatoes? I could not be that person's friend. 5 x 7 inches; paired with tater brown kraft envelope.
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Pubic Hair
$ 5.00
5 x 7 inches. I gave this card to a friend, and she was too scared to ask me what sort of hair was...
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Ramen
$ 5.00
5 x 7 inches. Which ramen-ya is best? Let us argue.
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Regifting
$ 5.00
5 x 7 inches. Good for the environment.
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Restaurants
$ 5.00
5 x 7 inches. May I suggest that fancy restaurants put glossaries on the backs of their menus?
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Samurai Holiday Partay
$ 5.00
5 x 7 inches. For those interested in samurai, "Hagakure (Hidden by the Leaves)" is very interesting book.
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Samurai Time
$ 5.00
Let's be honest: it is always samurai time. 5 x 7 inches; paired with honorable white envelope.
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School for Curing Pessimists
$ 5.00
5 x 7 inches. It's a nice day today, if you're that kind of person.
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School of Dissatisfaction
$ 5.00
I am dissatisfied with this product description. 5 x 7 inches. Paired with unsatisfyingly white envelope.
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Screw You
$ 5.00
5 x 7 inches. Giving others the benefit of the doubt is optional.
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Smackdown: Lemon vs. Lime
$ 3.50 $ 5.00
5 x 7 inches. I am extremely partial to one of these.
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So Much Worse!
$ 5.00
Wishing you only non-bubonic birthdays. 5 x 7 inches; paired with non-diseased white envelope.
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Substitute Words for "Amazing"
$ 5.00
5 x 7 inches. Despite the technical existence of these other words . . .
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